The Life Chef

TASTY TIPS TO SAYING NO!

I recently read a statement from Cheryl Richardson which really highlighted the message I have been learning and sharing with my clients for many years now.

.

“ If you want to live an authentic, meaningful life, you need to master the art of disappointing and upsetting others, hurting feelings and living with the reality that some people just won’t like you . It may not be easy, but it’s essential if you want your life to reflect your deepest desires, values and needs.”

.

This time of year is notorious for people saying yes when they really mean to say no, guilt factor seems to sky rocket, especially if you are juggling more than one persons feelings. Who goes where for Christmas, every year are they coming to yours expecting you to do all the cooking, tidying up, Christmas shopping, and generally being host for the day instead of guest of honour.

1. BE HONEST, whose needs are you serving?

If you were guaranteed that saying no would not harm, upset or cause a problem to those people around you, what and who would you say no to right now? Now have a look at that list and ask yourself whose needs are you serving first, yours or other people’s? Then ask yourself why are their needs more important than your own? Remember if you don’t want to do it the act will be given with an energy of resentment which they will pick up on, is that truly a gift then?

2. STALL YOUR ANSWER - Buy yourself time.

Sometimes we have a habit of saying yes before we even have a chance to think about what we are committing to and if we want to actually do it. Do you have a habit of saying yes, just because you have always said yes? If so slow yourself down, when you are in a restaurant the waiter takes your drinks order first to give you time to study the menu!A practice well worth remembering for life.

Before you go into a situation work out what is on your menu for yes and what is on your menu for no’s. If you find yourself about to say yes instead of no, work out a stalling technique or preset answer that will allow you to go away and really think about what you want.  A good example might be, can I check my diary and get back to you, as I would hate to say yes and then have to let you down later.

3. PLAN YOUR EXIT STRATEGY

Sometimes we want to do something for somebody but not in the way they want us to do it for them, so give yourself an exit strategy, say yes but have an exit strategy just in case you no longer feel you can genuinely commit fully to their wishes.

I had a client who loved her sister dearly but learnt from experience that if she spent longer than 3 hours together the day always ended up in a row or her sister expecting her to babysit or run errands on her behalf. So still wanting to see her sister her exit strategy was to meet her at her favourit restaurants for lunch, 2 hours before they closed, half way between her place and her sisters, that way after lunch if she felt it was best to leave she could say she had to dash.

Now some might say cowardly behaviour, maybe, maybe not, personally I like to think that she something that worked well for her without having to unnecessarily hurt her sister’s feelings.

If you would like a FREE TICKET to my Espresso workshop December 9th @ 6pm to find out my other 7 tasty tips to the true art of self giving, saying no instead of yes CLICK HERE