Deeper Conversations …Yuna
The Life Chef
RECIPES FOR LIVING, LOVING AND BEING
Preference versus Attachment
Is it possible to live a life unattached? Especially in today’s western society?
Can we really travel through life as centred, spiritual beings, observing but not expecting, enjoying but not attaching. Many people have told me that is not realistic and for some not living.
If we are ‘spiritual beings have a human experience’, how human is this experience supposed to be? Emotions, attachment, expectations are all part of being human. Is too much of our time spent looking at ways to shut out our human side, change it, pretend we have transcended it? Instead of studying ways to escape the human experience should we not embrace it? Or are we completely disillusioned as to what the human experience is all about?
This morning I picked up my little book by Jon Kabat -Zinn ‘Arriving at your own door’. A dear friend of mine recently shared how he has been reading a chapter a day of Jon’s book, Full Catastrophe Living, another great read. Arriving at your own door is a great little book containing simple daily tips for Mindfulness. Ironically as I flicked through the book it fell open on the page
‘Fixed ideas of you’
“Nothing is to be clung to as I , me or mine” In other words no attachments – especially to fixed ideas of yourself and who you are”!
Hmmm accident….lol…I think not, especially as I don’t believe in accidents….
One thing I hear a lot from my clients though is,
- “Well if we are not attached to anything how can we set meaningful goals?
- “What is the point of having a relationship?
- “What is the point of anything?”
For me the meaning is in the moment. For it is only in this moment can we find meaning to anything and everything. The joy of being human is that we have the freedom/ preference to choose how we experience any and each moment, what importance we place on it, how we are going to show up and what beliefs we are attached to. However to really exercise our rights fully there needs to be a level of awareness. Being present without setting any rigid criteria or high expectations is what brings our being alive!
Now I am not proclaiming to be an expert at non attachment by any means but my awareness, hanging out in nature, daily practises, learnings and people I spend time with continuously remind me I always have a choice.
Tasty Tips for Non attachment - Moving from Knowing to Doing to Being
So how do we move from knowing to doing,
Here is one of my personal favorites a very simple yet effective recipe especially if you are looking to set goals or your intention.
My preference / intention is…. ( state the intention or preference) That way you can still move forward with some direction in life, whilst still maintaining a sense of freedom around the outcome. I am strong believer that in life we get what we need, which might not necessarily always be what we think we want. Life is a great teacher as long as you are willing to become an attentive student.
The second bit to my personal mantra is
I release attachment to the outcome and it defining whether I am… (lovable, successful, capable etc).. This is really important for whatever you feel the intention/ preference will give you, you need to be willing to release it.. there is always something even if it is simply reinforcing a belief.
I trust I will learn from, be grateful for and appreciate any outcome that may come my way as a result of my intentions.
Again very important, be grateful and appreciate the outcome, there are no lessons to be learnt in resentment, appreciation and non attachment are a powerful and empowering state to create an amazing life, or should I say enjoy a great human experience!
So there it is, my short but effective recipe for moving from attachment to preference. If you have any tips or recipes of your own please feel free to share, like all great recipes there are plenty out there to suit all taste buds. Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth is a great read as well if it is an area you wish to develop.
With love The Life Chef! x
Cooking up a storm in the universal kitchen!
The Life Chef meets Deepak Chopra!
As workshop co-ordinator for Alternatives, St. James, I always feel very blessed that I can meet some really inspirational figures in the mind body spirit world!
Earlier on this month I had the pleasure of meeting Deepak Chopra, I was first introduced to Deepak several years ago when I bought a ticket to a talk he held in Kensington Town Hall, after reading his book Ageless body, Timeless mind and it really increased my hunger to explore the intricate relationship and amazing connection between the mind and body.
So to be able to host and support him as part of the Alternatives team many years later was a magical moment and reminded me how life is full of it’s own little gifts!
So here’s me wishing all you master chef’s a fantastic day and remember to continue to cook up a storm in your own Universal Kitchen of Life!
TLC x
He loves me, He loves me not!
Valentines gone pear shape?
As the cards on the shelf get stored away until the next time love can be sold commercially, I would like you to spare a thought for those whose valentines dreams, turned into a valentines nightmare.
February 14th might be a day of love for many but according to statics apparently a couple of weeks after valentines day bar two weeks before Christmas is the highest time for relationship break ups.
With spring fast approaching our homes are not the only things a lot of us are deciding we want to clear out! If you fall into the category of a relationship spring clean then do not despair!
Love is like the seasons and sometimes a change is exactly what we need even we think it is NOT what we want.
The most important relationship however you should always be focusing on is the one you have with yourself. Rather than get into the blame game, spend your time seeking revenge or lower your self worth to get the person back, do your own internal break up and spring clean, what do you need to learn from this time in your life, how can you positively move on. Acceptance, learning and gratitude are a great part of self healing.
Start setting some positive intentions, invite some fun into your life, reconnect with people that make you feel good, spend the time setting goals for YOURSELF!
Go out there and give the world the best version of you possible and before you know it you will have another reason to be buying someone special a ‘Be mine’, card!
With love
The Life Chef
NEW YEAR, BETTER YOU!
A NEW YEAR MESSAGE FROM THE LIFE CHEF
The Gift of Self Nourishing! Saying No
TASTY TIPS TO SAYING NO!
I recently read a statement from Cheryl Richardson which really highlighted the message I have been learning and sharing with my clients for many years now.
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“ If you want to live an authentic, meaningful life, you need to master the art of disappointing and upsetting others, hurting feelings and living with the reality that some people just won’t like you . It may not be easy, but it’s essential if you want your life to reflect your deepest desires, values and needs.”
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This time of year is notorious for people saying yes when they really mean to say no, guilt factor seems to sky rocket, especially if you are juggling more than one persons feelings. Who goes where for Christmas, every year are they coming to yours expecting you to do all the cooking, tidying up, Christmas shopping, and generally being host for the day instead of guest of honour.
1. BE HONEST, whose needs are you serving?
If you were guaranteed that saying no would not harm, upset or cause a problem to those people around you, what and who would you say no to right now? Now have a look at that list and ask yourself whose needs are you serving first, yours or other people’s? Then ask yourself why are their needs more important than your own? Remember if you don’t want to do it the act will be given with an energy of resentment which they will pick up on, is that truly a gift then?
2. STALL YOUR ANSWER - Buy yourself time.
Sometimes we have a habit of saying yes before we even have a chance to think about what we are committing to and if we want to actually do it. Do you have a habit of saying yes, just because you have always said yes? If so slow yourself down, when you are in a restaurant the waiter takes your drinks order first to give you time to study the menu!A practice well worth remembering for life.
Before you go into a situation work out what is on your menu for yes and what is on your menu for no’s. If you find yourself about to say yes instead of no, work out a stalling technique or preset answer that will allow you to go away and really think about what you want. A good example might be, can I check my diary and get back to you, as I would hate to say yes and then have to let you down later.
3. PLAN YOUR EXIT STRATEGY
Sometimes we want to do something for somebody but not in the way they want us to do it for them, so give yourself an exit strategy, say yes but have an exit strategy just in case you no longer feel you can genuinely commit fully to their wishes.
I had a client who loved her sister dearly but learnt from experience that if she spent longer than 3 hours together the day always ended up in a row or her sister expecting her to babysit or run errands on her behalf. So still wanting to see her sister her exit strategy was to meet her at her favourit restaurants for lunch, 2 hours before they closed, half way between her place and her sisters, that way after lunch if she felt it was best to leave she could say she had to dash.
Now some might say cowardly behaviour, maybe, maybe not, personally I like to think that she something that worked well for her without having to unnecessarily hurt her sister’s feelings.
If you would like a FREE TICKET to my Espresso workshop December 9th @ 6pm to find out my other 7 tasty tips to the true art of self giving, saying no instead of yes CLICK HERE
Things that go bump in the night, 3 fear busting tips!
Things that go bump in the night – 3 Tasty tips to facing your fears!
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Every one of us, no matter how successful or happy we are have a least one or two fears hiding away in the closet! Some fears are easier to keep under control than others and may simply require a gentle nudge or two before you take action, others however might be having a much bigger negative impact in your life and could be holding you back from more important things like applying for a promotion at work because the new role involves public speaking, or asking someone out on a date because you fear rejection, or going to visit a loved one due to your fear of flying!
With that in mind here are my 3 fear busting tips for you to enjoy, if you haven’t already done so don’t forget to sign up for your FREE taster session click TheLifeChef to sign up Enjoy!
1. Be friend your fears, go easy on yourself!
Sometimes we can be too hard on ourselves, excepting things to be perfect. Fighting your fears can be a lot more draining than simply accepting and befriending them.
The more you fight, get angry or frustrated about something the more power you give it.. Try not to make a meal out of it as you could end up making your fears bigger and worse than they actually are? Accept them, imagine your fears are a side dish, an accompaniment to your main life, but not the main thing in your life. Minimise their power!
2. Learn from them – Everything in life is here to teach us something!
There is a lesson to be learnt in everything! Imagine your fears were friends of yours sitting across from you at a dinner party, if they could talk what might be the positive lessons they have to share with you? Are you afraid to speak in public because the last time you did it people practically fell asleep, or you didn’t get all the points across or no one could hear you or your heart was beating so much that you felt physically sick. Instead of moaning about what went wrong look at the lessons learnt.
Did you do you enough prep before your presentation, did you explore different ways to make it engaging, did you use reminders or slides etc. to help keep you on track, did you make it interactive, did you practise breathing or EFT techniques to help calm you down. What can you learn from your fears? Maybe your fears are calling you to take action, action that you have been avoiding, action that may benefit you greatly in the long run.
3. Question them – go to the source, is the fear a smoke screen to something else?
Is the fear real or is it a learnt response, a barrier, protection to stop us taking risks, making mistakes or possibly showing our vulnerable side. Are we focusing on how much pain we perceive the fear will bring us? Sometimes our fears represent something completely different, maybe we have developed a fear around something we don’t enjoy doing and actually need to stop it or do less of it. Maybe our fear is based on a habit, past bad experience or something we picked up as a child. A child sees a parent running around screaming when he or she sees a spider next thing you know the child has a fear of spiders. Is it real or was it learnt? A child grows up in a financially tight and stressful environment then as an adult works himself sick from fear of not having enough. Fear can come in all shapes and sizes, some more obvious than others, so question them!
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